Bad Show

I sucked tonight! No, the circumstances sucked tonight. Everything was against me. The producer made adjustments I didn't like, the director threw her notes in the air in disgust, I was missing a piece of my wardrobe and everyone was late. Actually, I really don't care if people are late. I'm late all the time. It's the producer who really pissed me off. He's always changing things and these changes make me feel like a whore.

The latest adjustment came without explanation. We're doing a collection of short plays and been having success with the order. The play has a long setup that takes some audience concentration, but because we're early in the 3 hour show it's never been a problem. Tonight however we were rescheduled for the last show. We were now going to be performing to an audience that had been sitting on hard seats for 2 hours and 15 minutes. We were dead before we even set foot on stage. I took the stage and couldn't help but notice the man in the front row shifting from butt cheek to butt cheek. As my eyes adjusted to the light it was much worse than I thought. The packed house was a sea of uncomfortable motion. I remembered my lines and hit my marks, but the laughs were few and far between. They were nothing like before. I failed.

When I ask myself why I realize it had nothing to do with the schedule change or the director or the producer. It was because of me. I let all that stuff in. I was pissed about being rescheduled and I let the audience get to me. I was not 100% focused and became desperate. I begged for laughs which causes everything to seem false. It was the final nail in my coffin. I failed because I didn't do my job as an actor: listen and be prepared. My only saving grace is to live in the moment and be thankful I get to do it again tomorrow.